


That Don't Impress Me Much

by Guggi



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Songfic, poly!Queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 08:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17383151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guggi/pseuds/Guggi
Summary: John wrote a song about Brian, Roger and Freddie. A diss track more like, and he's worried about what the guys will think.





	That Don't Impress Me Much

**Author's Note:**

> Song by Shania Twain.  
> I thought it fit Brian, Freddie and Roger pretty well and decided to have some fun with it.  
> Slightly AU in present times.

John sat down, one leg over the other and reached for his bass. A small smile crept around his lips, though he tried the best he could to hide it. 

The three guys he knew best in this world was patiently waiting for him to start doing.. well, anything. 

Brian looked at the scrambled up paper in front of John and spoke up. “A bass and a piece of paper with that handwriting of yours scribbled all over. I wonder.” 

John grinned. “Your wondering stops here. For what I have here, y’see, is a new song.” 

Freddie threw his hands in the air. “A new song? I’ve written three of those since last night! If I were to summon you all every time I’ve written a few lines we would be doing little else than listening to me all day.” Freddie pursed his lips and crooked his head.  _ That didn’t sound so dumb after all! _

“I think you’ll find this one a little special, though”, it came from John. He was tuning his instrument.

“Want me to sing?” 

John shook his head. “Thanks Freddie, but no. I’ll do the vocals this time.” By now he couldn’t control the cheeky smirk anymore and cleared his throat. Roger, having spent the last couple of minutes resting his arm and head on Freddie’s shoulder, sat up straighter. 

“It’s a song” Before Brian could interrupt, John continued. “A song about guys.” 

Freddie whooped. 

“About guys you meet. You might start to care about them. But after awhile you realize their flaws.” 

“Get singin’!”

John played a few chords. It seemed upbeat and fun. 

_ I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart _

_ But you've got being right down to an art _

_ You think you're a genius-you drive me up the wall _

_ You're a regular original, a know-it-all _

Freddie quickly caught on to the rhythm and rocked along. It was a tad hard to hear from only the bass line, but John had insisted on performing it himself. 

Brian was looking at the floor, concentrating while nodding his head. 

“Sounds like a downer. Where’d you pick him up? And why haven’t I gotten the juicy details?”, Roger demanded. 

John channeled some courage and continued. 

_ Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special _

_ Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else _

_ Okay, so you're a rocket scientist _

Brian’s head shot up faster than a rocket ship launching. His lips slightly parted and a dawning look in his eyes started to form. 

Yes, John thought. Of course he would figure it out right away. He hoped Brian wasn’t hurt and sang on. 

_ That don't impress me much _

_ So you got the brain but have you got the touch _

Brian looked at Freddie and Roger, but they seemed none the wiser, just sitting and listening. After all, the term was a little off from ‘astrophysicist’ but they must hear it. Don’t they?

_ Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright _

_ But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night _

He grunted. Well, last night begs to differ! John hadn’t seemed very cold there. 

_ That don't impress me much _

John shot a glance at Brian. He didn’t look particularly happy, nor hurt. He hadn’t meant to hurt their feelings, certainly not, just have a bit of fun with song writing. And if it opened up for some introspection amongst the others, that would be more than welcome, he chuckled quietly. 

Brian wanted to speak up and stop John before he sang any more, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this song wasn’t  _ only _ about him. 

_ I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket _

_ And a comb up his sleeve-just in case _

_ And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughta lock it _

_ 'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place _

Bingo, Brian thought. Gel. He’d never touch the stuff! 

“This the same guy?” he heard Freddie whisper. 

_ Oh-oo-oh, so you think you're something special _

_ Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else _

_ Okay, so you're Brad Pitt _

Freddie whistled. 

_ That don't impress me much _

_ So you got the looks but have you got the touch _

_ Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright _

_ But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night _

Brian squinted his eyes. Yes. This was what it was all about. Freddie must know now. Yes. He’s- 

Yep. 

Freddie appeared to be rubbing his thigh. But luckily, Brian knew Freddie’s clothes well. And what was underneath it. Brian smiled crookedly after a bright memory of him and Freddie. Fooling around after a show. And what did Brian find after reaching down to unbutton Freddie’s pants?

A mirror. 

In his pocket. 

_ That don't impress me much _

Freddie mumbled something under his breath and bit his lip. This was about him. And Brian. So far. Why would John expose his lovers like that? 

Freddie had it figured out by now. All right, he was a teensy tiny bit vain. He wondered what John had to say about Roger. 

Roger knew exactly what was coming. He’d read the lyrics several times this morning and thought it was hilarious. Of course, John was completely unaware of his knowledge. 

After a morning make-out session with Roger and John just staying a bit in bed and snogging, Roger had seen a curled up paper tucked in John’s pocket. The pants were laying in a pile on the floor and he just thought it to be some mundane letter. They had no secret. He gushed and hoped it was a passionate love letter to him, Brian or Freddie. Or all of them. Roger giggled at the very thought of John writing love letters. He was more a diss track kind of guy. 

_ You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine _

_ You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in _

_ I can't believe you kiss your car good night _

Roger played it cool and gave away no hints of him knowing this song front to back. He shot a glance towards Brian and Freddie. They were observing him closely. 

_ C'mon baby tell me-you must be jokin', right! _

Certainly not, Roger thought. 

_ Oh-oo-oh, so you think you're something special _

_ Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else _

_ Okay, so you've got a car _

Affirmative, Roger chuckled to himself. Brian doesn’t. Freddie does, he just can’t drive it. 

_ That don't impress me much _

He still thought it was a hilarious song, even though he could sense all three of them waiting for him to fly up in a rage. 

Nah.

Keep rage where rage is due. Like snarky comments. From Brian. 

_ So you got the moves but have you got the touch _

_ Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright _

_ But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night _

_ That don't impress me much _

Roger lifted his eyebrows at Freddie and Brian, indicating he knew exactly what they knew. And broke out in a huge grin. 

_ You think you're cool but have you got the touch _

_ Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright _

John had been looking at his paper for the last couple of lines, but looked up just in time to see Roger’s big smile.  _ Phew! _

_ But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night _

_ That don't impress me much _

Roger’s two bandmates sat silently for a second, before laughing out loud too. 

_ Okay, so what do you think you're Elvis or something _

_ Whatever _

_ That don't impress me _

 

John sang the last three lines as pure improvisation, and was met with cheers and clapping all around. 

He held up his hand. “Before you three say anything-”

“No, no, it’s all genuine. Good stuff”, Brian smiled. 

“You all mean the world to me, guys”, John started. “I’m glad you’re not hurt. I tell you every day how perfect you all are, you know?”

“So you didn’t want us to get too big headed!” Roger laughed. 

John held Brian’s hands, all too aware that before long he would face a retaliation in the form of his very own song from the three guys. 

“I’ve never had gel in my hair”, Freddie complained. 

“You get the picture, Freddie.” 

“But you called me Brad Pitt? So it can’t possibly be-”

“I can’t very well have you say ‘Freddie Mercury’ in our own song!”

Freddie didn’t pay much mind to anything after that, well happy his John thought he resembled Brad Pitt and they all knew it wouldn’t be long before he demanded Roger and Brian got to work, writing songs about him. 

“Let’s get recording!”

John smiled shyly and raised an eyebrow. “I’d rather you show me that you can indeed keep me warm.” 

**Author's Note:**

> What song fits John best for the retaliation? ;-P


End file.
